Sex. It’s a topic that sparks something different for everyone. feel-good tingles or shivers of shame. As humans, our sexuality is one of our deepest, primal needs. It’s an expression of our sacred life force that can fuel all areas of our life, if we manage our sexual energy in a healthy way.
Ayurveda, the sister science of yoga and one of the world oldest holistic healing systems, acknowledges the importance of sexuality. It is believed to be one of the three pillars of life, together with the correct management of food and sleep.
Ayurveda and sex are more closely related than you might think. Ayurvedic practices offer lots of suggestions about the role of sex in our lives and more specifically, how to have a healthy sex life. A lot of the recommendations will be very personal, depending on your specific environment, desire and life circumstances. However, here I will share with you a few practical tips that you can incorporate straight away into your life:
Start your day in a sexy way!
According to Ayurveda, sex creates a lot of movement of energy in our body. Thus, the best time to have sex is actually not at nighttime, when your body is meant to slow down and get ready for sleep. morning or early evening would be much more aligned. So instead of using sex as a way to unwind and release some tension from your day – use it as a conscious way to connect and deepening your relationship. I mean, can you think of a better way to start the day then with a little love making session?
Love to Eat and Eat to Love.
So you want a strong libido, but you love salad and smoothies. Well, you burn up to 300 calories each time you have sex—so lettuce is just not going to cut it. According to Ayurveda it’s better to include some cooked foods in your diet that contain high-quality oils, such as ghee, coconut oil, or olive oil. Avoid too much raw food, as they are more drying and will sap your vital juices. Wait ideally 2 hours after eating before you’re ready to roll. That way you don’t disturb your digestion and you won’t be feeling ‘too heavy’ so you can move freely in the bedroom.
No, oil is not just for heating things up in the kitchen. Coconut oil is the perfect replacement for commercial lube. (Just be careful as it can break down the latex in a condom.) If you are craving connection but just not in the mood, use oil to give each other full-body or foot massages. Oil massage builds ojas (I will talk about this soon!), makes your skin soft, and protects against illness.
Build strong libidos with herbs.
There are particular Ayurvedic herbs that will help to build a strong libido. For men, ashwagandha can be used. Ashwaganda translates to “smells like a horse,” but don’t worry, you won’t actually—you will however be as strong as one. Take this herb with some warm water or milk. Women can use the herb shatavari, meaning “she who possesses 100 husbands.” It’s one of the best herbs that support healthy hormonal balance for women.
Don’t waste your Ojas.
Ayurveda believes that a lot of our vital life force energy, called ‘ojas’, is lost during orgasm. Or better to say, precious life force will be lost with ejaculation (for both men and women). That’s why it’s important to not overindulge, especially when you’re ageing and already naturally losing some of your ojas. So keep some foods and drinks in your pantry that rebuild ojas, such as ghee, rice pudding, coconut water, bone broth, and milk (especially cow, but goat and almond are also good substitutes). Or men, you could explore the techniques of learning how to separate orgasm from ejaculation – as it’s actually not the same thing. It takes a bit of practice, but anyone can learn. Your energy levels will change, plus, it will bring your lovemaking to completely new levels!
Food for your libido.
Nutrition is of course a key aspect of health, and Ayurveda pays a lot of attention to the right diet – that is always very personal. However to increase your libido for anyone it would be beneficial to eat mostly vegetables, whole grains, robust proteins and quality fats. The more naturally colourful your meals are, the better!
There are certain foods that Ayurveda recommends to specifically help build ojas, like milk, ghee, nuts, sesame seeds, dates, pumpkin seeds, honey, saffron and avocados. But also fresh organic fruits and vegetables, protein from plant sources like beans, and peas, sweet, whole grains, spices such as turmeric, cumin, fenugreek and dill will help boost your libido.
One of my teachers once described something called sexual nutrition. It’s a way of thinking about our sexual expression and desire in the same way we think about food. Eating a bar of chocolate every day can maybe sound delicious to some, but it is quite indulgent. And while there is a time and place to indulge, in the long run it’s not something that is sustainable. The same applies to our sexual energy. In order to stay healthy and vibrant, we need to find balance. That means paying attention to your energy levels, don’t over- or under-indulge too frequent and definitely don’t engage in sex just to please your partner.
When we connect during love making, we don’t just connect on a physical level. There will also be an energetic connection, as you are literally plugged in to another person’s energy field. That’s why Ayurveda and many other traditions always suggest to be mindful with who you connect with. Make sure you connect sexually with people that are truly nourishing to you – also on an emotional and spiritual level. If we begin to perceive our sexuality as being a form of emotional and energetic nutrition, you have to be wise about who you attach yourself to
Sex as your medicine.
Your sexuality is potent medicine for humanity, and an important aspect of your relationships and routines that should be explored forever.
The famous Ayurvedic doctor Vasant Lad said once “When two people truly love each other and, within that loving relationship, they make love with awareness, they can transform ojas (vital energy) into profound bliss.”
Marieke is an Ayurvedic Practitioner living in Bali with her 4 year old son. She is passionate about translating this ancient wisdom into practical tools that help people live a healthier and more aligned life. She currently runs retreats, training, online group programs and private sessions, both on- and offline.
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